To his credit, my husband has worked hard to unlearn what he grew up seeing. He pulls his weight at home, he’s a present father, and in most ways, he’s a true partner. But there’s one thing that constantly frustrates me: how much he values his family’s opinions. I understand wanting your parents to be proud, but with him it feels excessive—like their approval still outweighs his own judgment.
Right now, my in-laws are staying with us for two weeks. We have a routine that works well. I handle breakfast, we’re all out for lunch during the day, and my husband makes dinner. We usually have a cleaner, but since she’s on holiday, we’ve just been keeping things tidy ourselves. It’s balanced, it’s fair, and it works for us.
The problem is that my in-laws hate it.
They’ve always disliked that I’m what they call “one of those modern women.” They disapprove of the fact that I work, that I don’t define myself solely as a wife and mother, and that my husband does chores. Early in our marriage, I had a direct conversation with them and set clear boundaries: I won’t be criticized about my life in my own home. When I visit them, I respect how they choose to live. To be fair, they’ve mostly respected my boundary—at least until now.
Yesterday, I came home from work exhausted and starving. I usually get back around 6:15 or 6:30, and we eat at 7:00. I said a quick hello, went upstairs for a shower, and came down expecting to help set the table—only to find nothing prepared.
Confused, I asked my husband what was going on. He wouldn’t look at me.
Instead, his mother answered. She told me he hadn’t cooked and said I needed to “do my duty as a wife and cook for my family.” My husband still wouldn’t meet my eyes.
That told me everything.
So I walked away and ordered takeaway. When it arrived, I served myself and the kids, and we sat down to eat. My husband and his parents eventually helped themselves and joined us.
During dinner, my mother-in-law continued criticizing me—questioning what was wrong with me and implying I was a failure. Finally, I asked my husband if he had anything to say.
He did.
